Dating a twin may be similar or not so similar to dating a person who was a single birth child. Sometimes, especially with identical twins, the amount of closeness between twins can interfere with romantic relationships. This is not always the case, however, and certainly some people of single birth may have exceptionally close relationships with siblings. There is some evidence to suggest that the closeness between some sets of twins may be even greater and more intimate than that in marriages.
When people have twins or higher order multiples, they are often strongly advised to help each child develop on separate paths, and this may be very important especially in adolescence. In a way, twins maturing have two roles: to establish an identity that is separate from their parents, and to establish an identity separate from their twin. This may work best when twins are fraternal and of opposite sexes. Without encouragement, identical twins are especially at risk of losing out on this important part of individualization.
Perhaps one thing you should know about dating a twin is that you should view this person as no different than dating a person of a single birth. You might expect a higher degree of closeness between the twin and his/her sibling, however. If this closeness interferes with developing a relationship on a normal path, it may be that the person you chose to date is simply not ready to define himself or herself fully as an individual. Of course, there are plenty of single birth people that haven’t made this leap either.
In any dating situation, you should ask yourself if the person you are dating is suited to you. While you might show some understanding for close sibling relationships, if that closeness makes you personally unhappy, it may be time to find someone else to date. Of course, sometimes twins date twins, and there are even twin dating services. In some ways this may be ideal, since other twins may more fully “get” the complexity of twin relationships.
It would be wrong, though, to make huge assumptions about what dating a twin is like. Some twins for instance, though same sex, may have different sexual orientations. Other twins didn’t get along as children and don’t have strong sibling relationships.
Some people worry that if they date an identical twin, they will develop feelings for the other twin. Even when people look alike and are raised in the same family, they can be very different people. You’re not likely to have the same passion for the other twin, especially when you get to know the person you’re dating.
It can be a mistake to assume that even identical twins are all that much alike. Each person, regardless of who else they may be related to, is an individual. There are siblings who are close in age and look very much alike, but most people do not find themselves attracted to more than one sibling. The best advice is to make no assumptions, and simply figure out how your dating relationship works or doesn’t work for you.
