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What is the Difference Between Infatuation and Love?

Margo Upson
Margo Upson
Margo Upson
Margo Upson

It can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between infatuation and love. This is especially true at the beginning of a relationship. It is easy to think that you have found true love as the intensity of infatuation takes over your life. Love, however, rarely comes on suddenly. It is a slow, gradual process that can only happen after the rush of infatuation starts to ebb.

Infatuation describes the intense range of feelings present at the beginning of most relationships; sweaty palms, rapidly beating heart, butterflies in the stomach. The world is a better, more beautiful place because object of your affection is with you. Every time you touch is thrilling, you remember every conversation, and your thoughts revolve around them. In more common terms, this is a crush. Crushes are a very real, normal part of human life. Everyone experiences at least one crush at some point or another in their lives.

Teenagers often mistake infatuation for love.
Teenagers often mistake infatuation for love.

Infatuation is caused by a chemical reaction in the body. The hormones released accounts for some of the feelings of elation. In truth, you are "high" on dopamine. This is an important evolutionary response to meeting a potential future mate. These hormones assure that two people will spend enough time together to possibly produce children, thus ensuring the survival of the species.

People who love each other may choose to get married.
People who love each other may choose to get married.

Love, on the other hand, is a calmer, more mature feeling. It is a sense of stability. Love is still exciting, at times. It can change day-to-day. Love takes work. The feelings are not supported by the highs of hormones, but by a shared love and respect for each other. Love is what exists after infatuation fades, if you are lucky.

Infatuation and love are different in many ways. While both result in pleasant feelings, the feeling of infatuation is more intense than the feeling of love. Love may not be as intense, but it is usually a much deeper emotion. Relationships that start as infatuation can mature into love.

Love allows people to be who they really are.
Love allows people to be who they really are.

One of the biggest differences between infatuation and love is how long each can last for. Infatuation can last, at most, several months before it starts to fade. Love, on the other hand, is capable of lasting fifty years or more, if both people in the relationship work for it. Infatuation is almost effortless. Anything put into the relationship is because you want to. Everything you do for the other person brings great pleasure for you, too. This isn’t always the case in love. You do things that you don’t want to do, things that you will get no pleasure from, because it is the fair thing to do. Love is about compromise.

Infatuation puts a bigger emphasis on physical affection.
Infatuation puts a bigger emphasis on physical affection.

Infatuation and love are both different in the amount of unpleasant tension that is part of the relationship some days. Infatuation discourages any real disagreements from taking place. You both are on your best behavior during all the time you spend together. Anything that could cause a discrepancy to the idea of a perfect relationship is avoided. Everything is perfect, and no one wants to mess that up.

Infatuation is often associated with young couples who quickly become overly involved.
Infatuation is often associated with young couples who quickly become overly involved.

Love allows people to be who they really are. While arguments aren’t encouraged, they happen. Sometimes they happen a lot, especially in times of stress. Love is admitting that your partner has faults, and so do you, but that is okay. You have realistic expectations of each other. Love is accepting.

Infatuation and love are two separate emotions, and there are many differences between them. They are, however, similar in some ways. Infatuation is like a shiny new pair of dress shoes, where as love is the comfy old sneakers you’ve had for years. Infatuation is fun, while it lasts. Eventually, though, the night out ends, and you slip into the sneakers that fit perfectly, even if they are starting to give at the seams and the tread is worn out. This is what happens in relationships. As the brilliance of infatuation fades, couples move into a contented place where, even if there are problems, they know they can depend on one another to provide the love and support they need. That is the difference between infatuation and love.

Margo Upson
Margo Upson

Margo has a varied academic background, which has involved everything from psychology and culinary arts to criminal justice and education. These wide-ranging interests make her an ideal WiseGEEK writer, as she always enjoys becoming an expert on new and unfamiliar topics.

Learn more...
Margo Upson
Margo Upson

Margo has a varied academic background, which has involved everything from psychology and culinary arts to criminal justice and education. These wide-ranging interests make her an ideal WiseGEEK writer, as she always enjoys becoming an expert on new and unfamiliar topics.

Learn more...

Discussion Comments


I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. I live in Georgia and he lives in California. We see each other every winter break and spend the summer together.

Before I moved to Georgia in the eighth grade I knew my boyfriend from school. The way we ended up gettign together and we were talking and catching up through Facebook. We eventually exchanged numbers and would talk/text constantly.

At first, we were deeply infatuated. And over our relationship, it has turned into love and we have been good ever since. Don't get me wrong -- I do love him and care for him very much. But lately something has changed inside of me and I don't know why or what it is. I want things to be like they were. I just started feeling like this since the beginning of this week. I am not talking to anyone else or anything like that. I have talked to him about it and he says that it's just me he doesn't know why I feel this way and he's still very happy with our relationship. I am too, but something's missing, I feel. I honestly don't know. Has anyone felt like this before?


Had a few lusts here and there, but when you meet the right person and you accept them and accept your feelings for that person. Even though you may think she/he is someone you will cherish for your lifetime, things don't go as successfully as they will in dreams.

Make a move and things will change; devastating or loving, that is up to how you express your feelings.


I once loved a man who hurt me with his actions when I was young (29), but I knew he loved me. His is Franklin. While I was hurting, there was another man there for me. I quickly developed feelings for Benjamin. Weeks later, Franklin, after hurting me, came back, apologizing and promising me the world. My feelings were torn I was with Benjamin now. I tried following my heart, and back and forth, back and forth it went. I chose Benjamin. It seemed right. He had never hurt me.

Three months later, Benjamin and I were fighting and arguing and at each other's throats. We were not meant for one another. My emotions (my infatuation) were what led me to this point in my life.

I quickly turned back to Franklin, who was there to talk me through everything. There was a problem, though. I now knew I loved him and he was the right choice for me -- beyond the right choice. However, when I tried to get him back, he could not bring himself to forgive me. His heart had been broken and he no longer had confidence in our relationship. I was always sure Franklin loved me, but my infatuation with another man drove him away.

I am now 57 years old and I am not married. I have compared every man to Franklin, and to this day, no one has ever held a spot in my heart like him. We stayed friends.

Franklin died this year at age 56. He never married or had children, but was always a good man. He left me this letter the day before he passed:


I searched my soul for years trying to forgive you for the pain you caused me. I loved you more than anything. I know I caused you pain and I'm sorry for that. I compared every women to you for years, none could even come close to receiving the kind of love I had for you.

I am a stubborn old fool, you always held my heart. I know I held yours. If there's any chance you still love me, marry me... You were always the one for me.



I went to him on that day to say "Yes, you were always the one for me, I love you."

It was too late. Franklin had a heart attack that killed him in minutes. (I think it was a broken heart?)

I write this story so no one makes the same mistake I did. I allowed an infatuation with someone else take away a lifetime – a lifetime -- of happiness and love away from me. By the time we both realized it, it was too late. I love you, Franklin, and will be with you again.


I met this guy my sophomore year in one of my classes. At the time I was in a new relationship and he was in a long term one. We became friends and his girlfriend never liked me. I think she could tell there was something going on between us. We had a connection you can't ignore.

It's been almost two years since then and I'm still in my relationship and he has ended his. I thought being in a relationship filled with passion and love that my infatuation for him would fade, but it hasn't. Every time I see him or talk to him I feel it deep inside me. Ill be leaving soon and I know we will never speak I just wish we would have had a chance. It's hard not knowing what could have been.


I have met someone online, specifically over Xbox, and before any of you start judging, I consider it just another format of meeting friends over the internet with a common interest set.

Well, I met this one girl and we instantly became best friends. We practically talk every day and about anything, for that matter. My feelings for her didn't progress until a month and a half into our relationship. At first, it was just a crush but four months later, I can honestly say I think I'm falling in love with. Here's the problem. I'm 18 and when we met she said she was 16. Our friendship grew so much that she finally told me she's actually 14.

I was a bit frustrated and heartbroken at the same time, but the only thing about her that changed was her age not her personality. So I ended up still telling her about a month ago how I really felt about her. She told me that she has thought about it also every now and then, but is confused and worried about a possible us, only due to the age gap. We've agreed to meet up and hang out at an amusement park each bringing a mutual friend so as to not make it awkward. She will be turning 15 next week, not to make it seem that bad. But the way I feel about her just gets me insane.

I don't know if that's love or just extreme infatuation. Plus she does kind of tease every now and then only because she knows it messes with me. It is sort of a long distance relationship. But if I really wanted to go see her, I could.

People have warned me about the laws and to be careful, but 1 I am not looking for a sexual relationship. And it's not illegal to date. Just to put it in perspective how much I'm into her: we text message about 1,000 messages a week. So any comments or opinions on my situation? Should I try asking her out again after we meet and get to know each other more?


I am hopelessly in love with one of my best friends. I remember the first time I saw him. It was August of 2011 and it was the week before the start of my freshman year of college. He was walking with the rest of his team to soccer practice and I was going to buy my books. I knew a couple of guys on the team but so I smiled at them, but he caught my eye. I couldn't help but stare at him.

School started and it turned out we had classes together because we have the same major. I remember when it was a crush because I couldn't stop talking about him after the first time he talked to me in orientation -- and that's what it became, just a harmless little crush that I did nothing about because I didn't know him and it wasn't that important.

During the second semester, we had more classes together. This is when it got big. We were really really shy around each other and we sat with a seat in between us, until one day he followed me to the computer lab and just started talking. It was so weird because I never talked to him for longer than like a minute or two at a time. We sat there for over 30 minutes before I had to go to class. I got nothing done, but I loved every second of it. We just clicked instantly. After that, we talked every day in class, plus he was my lab partner. He asked for my number and we even watched my favorite movie in my room together.

I fell so hard for him and everyone was sure that we would be together but then nothing changed. We didn't talk much over the summer but I thought about him every day, all the time. When this 2012 fall semester started, he gave me a hug the second he saw me and I thought things would pick up. Wrong. We even had class together, but he sat by his best friend and we didn't talk nearly as much. My best friend knew his ex from high school and I guess they still have feelings for each other, so I decided this would be a great time to get over him.

I almost had myself convinced that one day I could, until this semester. We have class together every day, and even though I avoided being his lab partner, he sits by me in our other class and talks to me as much as possible -- which is a lot, since it's a blow off class. We flirt a lot, but I feel like if it were going to happen, it would have long ago, and the fact that it hasn't happened makes me believe that he really does still like his ex.

The truth is, I am absolutely crazy in love with him. I just can't help it. I feel like I have gone through a lot of stages with him. At first I was clearly infatuated with him; I even lusted for him so much. Now I just feel at home around him, like we can be completely honest with each other and be ourselves. I know so much about him and I can honestly say I love him. I just don't know how I can make that clear. Next year, we won't even be going to the same school so how can I expect him to want to put in the work a long distance relationship would create? I have wanted to tell him how I feel forever, but I just can't find the right time, and now I feel like it's too late.


There's this girl that I've always liked back when I was in high school. It was my freshman year and I remember sitting at a lunch table outside with a group of friends and then I saw this girl walk past with a couple friends. I looked up and we looked at each other in the eyes and she gave me the most amazing smile, I literally felt my heart do backflips and I felt like I was going to melt. It was like out of a movie scene where you see everything in slow motion. But I knew it was only a crush. Every time I would walk around the school, I was always hoping I could catch a glimpse of her. Yeah, I kind of felt like a stalker.

Anyway, as the months carried on, we ended up meeting. And I could barely contain my words. I was always stumbling, and I could never be myself. It was bad. I had a girlfriend, but I still would think about this other girl all the time. We would talk here and there, email, text, talk about sports, passing by. Little things like that, but I never really got to know her like I wanted to, mainly because I was always in relationships with other girls and was a shy guy only around her. I just beat myself up over it.

Then I finally told her my senior year that I had a little crush on her -- when really it was a big crush! But I didn't want to sound like a weirdo. But she smiled and we talked for a little then someone came up and totally killed the moment, so I just told her I'd talk to her later.

Now it's been a couple of years since high school and I still think about her from time to time. I haven't seen her in a few months. I still feel like it's a weight sitting on my chest that I want to just ask her if she would ever want to go out somewhere sometime and just catch up, because I really don't know how she feels about me. I've been in a few long relationships already but just never with her.

I know she won't be single forever because she's beautiful and has a great personality! So I either need to make a move while I'm single or just forget about her.


O.K., maybe I shouldn't have said model hot, but she is good looking and no, looks don't mean much especially when someone acts like everything is about them or disregards other people.

What caught my attention was just how we can talk about anything and her personality. It's also crazy how she talks about what I mean to her and how much she loves me, but then again those could be empty words. Thanks for the advice and if things don't work out, then it just wasn't meant to be.


@anon323548: I'm over 40 and female, so I'm probably qualified. I've also had a long-distance relationship, which, thankfully, didn't work out.

I hate to say it, but the truth is, if this girl really wanted to meet you, she would. That's the hard truth. Why doesn't she want to meet you? My feminine intuition tells me it's because she's not quite what you think she is. I'm betting the "model hot" photos are of someone else, and she may care a great deal about you, but doesn't want to get caught not telling the truth.

Online relationships are safe. You can be whoever you want to be. My guess is that she never thought the relationship would go this far, so she wouldn't have to own up to who she really is. That's why she's begged off on meeting you. She knows she's not who she says she is.

This is tough to hear, I know. But it happens all too frequently. Ever seen the documentary or the show "Catfish"? It's about that very topic. People think they have to be someone else for others to be interested in them. They think they have to be model hot, or GQ cover material, and it's sad they are willing to go to those lengths to attract someone.

The next move is up to you. I'd be tempted to give her one more opportunity to meet you, with the understanding that, if she doesn't follow through, you're breaking off the relationship. Also, give her the chance to 'fess up about who she really is, and if it really is OK with you, tell her it's all right if she's not "model hot." You've already found out you're personally compatible. Are looks *that* important if she's as amazing as you say she is?

You have a lot of thinking to do. Good luck.


This girl and I have been talking for almost three years now, but we haven’t met yet, since we both live out of state. She’s 29 and I’m 25. We met online so I thought nothing of it.

Over the first few months, we just talked a lot to each other. Eventually, I started to have feelings for her, but disregarded my feelings as nothing serious. But the more we talked on the phone, the harder it was. One day I couldn’t hold it in and when she asked me what I was thinking, I told her I thought I was in love with her. And to my surprise, she said she kind of figured I was, and said she loved me too and wanted to tell me sooner, but figured she’d wait on me to say it first.

Ever since then, we’ve texted and talked about ourselves and all that other mushy stuff like love and feelings. She even talks about marrying me and starting a family. But I think she might be scared of meeting me in person because the feelings might change. Every time she’s supposed to meet me, something comes up. I know we live kind of far apart so it’s hard.

Another thing that worries me sometimes is when we don’t talk for a day or two. She says she’s busy helping her family. We still tell each other our feelings in stuff and even write letters, but I don’t know. I just think she might be losing interest. She may not admit it, but most girls will not be the bad guy and speak the hurtful truth so it makes me worry more.

It’s been over two years and we haven’t met yet. As amazing as she is, I’m willing to wait until the end of time for her. She says I’m this amazing dream guy she’s always been looking for. Even though she claims she hasn’t had sex or isn’t worried about that right now, I’m not there in person. I can’t touch, hold, or see her physically and I know girls have needs. As for her, she’s amazing too and simply hot, model hot. She completes me and I can honestly say I haven’t loved like this in years. It’s also crazy how we get each other. It’s like we’re best friends but we also are in love.

I just want to know if she is losing interest or has found someone else, because we still haven’t met yet and we don’t text every single day. Like I said, I’d understand because a girl has needs. I just need someone to give me some advice about my situation, preferably someone at least 30 or who is a girl.

I just don’t know if I should wait or if I’m being a fool and hoping against hope. People say if you worry so much then you should just leave, but it’s hard when you’re in love. I must say this girl really is amazing because I never thought I’d fall in love with someone I never met in person, let alone online. For the record, what the situation is I can’t really leave, so if we do meet it has to be because she wants to and is willing to, and I don’t really know if she is.


I like a guy who is very popular. I'm not that good at studies compared to him. I had asked him out through a friend of mine a year and a half ago, and he refused me and it was obvious because we never talked.

Now the situation is different, though. He has started talking to me on the phone, like asking for homework, etc. In fact, we are really great friends on the phone, but in class when we are face to face, we don't talk to each other at all. We don't even look at each other.

Deep down I really care for him and can't figure out what does he think of me or if he doesn't think about me at all! I don't get it what all this is about.


In high school, I was deeply infatuated with this guy whom I’d come into contact with once in a while. We never really dated, although we talked about personal stuff made out a few times. I was way too shy and there were way too many girls in line for this guy.

For years, we talked once in a blue moon, in and out of separate relationships, living a good distance from each other. I even visited him a few times to talk about life. I heard from a girl who knew him a few years back that he couldn’t stop talking about me, but I thought it was only because he recently had a dream about us traveling together.

Now I’m currently in another long term relationship which has lasted a little over two-and-a-half years with a man I appreciate and get along with. Just yesterday, after nine years of talking privately here and there via internet/text mostly, I wished him a happy new year via text message because I hadn’t taken the chance to talk to him since 2012. We started talking about life and after about an hour of messages, he confessed his abiding feelings for me and how he could only conclude that, even though he’s waited as long as he has, he could only see himself with me in the end, that we are meant to be. I was surprised to hear this, since I always thought he was out of my league and began feeling the same core-clenching feelings of deep infatuation I did when we still had regular contact.

Afterward, he assured me he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or rushed into an undesirable situation (which is why he’s been waiting so long).

I know my feelings of infatuation may be temporary, but I’ve had him in the back of my mind since grade school. I remember everything about him, everything he’s ever told me, and what’s most strange is. I don’t know too much about him but he’s all too familiar to me.

I don’t know how to look at this: wrong place, wrong time; a dream come true; a horrible mistake waiting to happen; an act of fate; destiny? I’m just as attracted and captivated by him as the first time we met. He makes me melt when I hear him talk (and apparently I do the same) I’m weak.

In any case, I’m a very patient person and I’m not down for breaking hearts. I’m in a decent relationship and I’m not going to mess it up for a starry-eyed, “what if” relationship with an old (renewed) crush. However if, my current relationship ends unexpectedly, and we come into contact, I know I won’t hold back, and we won’t hold back.


I loved the comparison of love and infatuation. I have been dating someone for a few months now and I think he is absolutely amazing. I will say though that, after reading this article, I feel as if we are still in the infatuation stage, and that's a little scary because I don't want to lose him. However, there are some behaviors described as love that he and I have experienced with each other that give me hope for our future.


A while back, on a cruise over the holidays, I met a beautiful girl whom I became deeply infatuated with. We spent the majority of the cruise together, just as friends. I was shy, and never had the courage to breach the friendship and develop it beyond that. However, my last day on the cruise, (it was a one to two week cruise, and I was only on for one, she for two) we said our goodbyes and exchanged cell numbers. I texted her after departing the ship, and she replied saying that she had wanted to kiss me, but was too shy to do it. I expressed my own feelings for her, and said that I would have liked to as well.

We lived in different states, and we were both finishing up our senior year in high school, she in Indiana, me in Georgia. However, we texted constantly, our relationship growing and flowering. I expressed my love for her a few months later, and she responded in kind. During our spring break, I flew up to spend time with her, and to meet her family. Things went perfectly. We clicked together just as we had on the cruise, and even her family loved me. We progressed through the stages of physical love quickly as well. When it came time for us to return to our respective schools, we were already planning our next time together. We eventually decided I would go to her prom, a little more than a month away. All the time between, we spent texting and calling each other as normal, our relationship growing.

However, when I flew back up for her prom, she was distant and unlike herself. Physically, everything went the same, in reference to affection. Besides that, it was awkward and weird. We had fun and enjoyed ourselves, but it was nothing like our spring break.

We have had fights and arguments before, and gotten on each other’s nerves, but we always reconciled and returned to loving each other. We had promised ourselves to each other, body and mind, talked about marriage and children, everything. Before you say we were just stupid children, and had no concept of the future, we were both valedictorians of our respective schools, we had both placed extremely competitive applications to the service academies, West Point and Annapolis, but had been rejected, and instead won ROTC scholarships. We were well aware of our futures, and planned for them. We had made promises with our hearts, to be with each other, and to marry.

However, after the conclusion of my trip to her prom, after I had returned to Georgia, we got in one bad fight. She had not communicated a lot of her wants and needs, and blamed me for them. I tried my best to convince her it was all just a lack of communication, but she wouldn't have any of it. We broke the relationship the first time that night.

We talked afterwards, because even before then, we were friends, but everything was weird and full of tension. However, I convinced her to try and rekindle the relationship, and we did, into the summer. Then, she changed her mind, and proposed that we see other people, and if we met no one that had connected like we did over the next year, we would start again, and we would attend the same college. Me being my stupid and prideful self, I refused.

We talked with less and less regularity. However, inside of me, something moved. I felt different about her. It was less of an attraction and a want, but a desire for her to be happy, even if I was not in the picture. It grew, and it strengthened. I began to realize that I truly loved her. However, by that time, we hardly talked, and when I tried to bring this change to her knowledge, and set things straight, she replied with a short, and very curt, reply saying that everything was over, she had moved on, found someone else, and did not want to talk to me ever again. It killed me inside.

However, my love for her stayed. It resisted all of my attempts to kill it, forget it, destroy it. To this day, almost the two-year anniversary of when we met, it still lingers, denying my ability to move on, to find another love, and to live. I have not talked to her, and all ties have been severed. No trace of her remains in my life, except the emptiness in my heart. I don't regret anything. I just want to move on, but can’t. No woman holds any attraction for my eye, other than just a vague acknowledgement of appeal. I know it was true love I felt with her, and it kills me to know that I cannot be with her, let alone just talk to her.


I had an infatuation, but I can't get over him. What should i do?


I've been with my partner for just over two years. This describes us perfectly. Everything was all rainbows and butterflies in the beginning. He was like a shiny new, red dress.

Now that we know each other, we battle but we've accepted each other's flaws. Sometimes we get angry over little things but always come to the conclusion that the anger is a secondary emotion to the primary one, which is 'worry' or 'fear' we'll lose each other.

He is what I come home to after a hard day. He's my comfort-cushion. My run-down slippers. He is the one I wake up next to, and I feel no need for anything else. I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy. It'll be hard but it'll be worth it. He is too beautiful to pass up.


It was nice to know about love and infatuation. Thanks a lot for sharing this.


I've always believed in being the 'good' and 'obeying' kind of daughter. I've heard about puppy love, infatuation, real love, etc. But the truth is, everyone will experience different things in different ways. Because of this, often the symptoms they provide in sex ed at school don't give you much of a guide. It often leads you to confusion. Anyway, this is my experience.

I was born in some country in Asia. When I was about nine years old, my family and I moved to another country out of Asia for a better life. Apparently, my dad's cousin and his family (on his wife's side) lives there too. Anyway, I entered a local primary school. Coincidentally, my dad's cousin's nephews attend the same school. And coincidentally, the oldest nephew, who is exactly the same age as me and only like a day older, happened to be in the same class as me the year after (I entered that school halfway through the year). Anyway, at first, I barely knew him at all. We never spoke. But when we were placed in the same class the year after, we got to know each other pretty well.

Because we were related, I met him a lot. And both our fathers are really good mates. Anyway, because of that we saw each other almost every day. We saw each other on weekdays because of school, on weekends because our families would often visit each other and even on holidays because we took trips together. Anyway, he became a really good friend of mine. When we were playing with my brothers and his brothers, and his cousins, and there was a need to pair up, he'd always pick me to be on his side or his team. He was always nice to me. To this day, I don't know what his intention was, though.

Anyway, after a year or so, I started liking him. I was about 11 when this happened. But, true to my words, I've always been the 'goody' kind of daughter. Because of a few occasions that apparently involved his mother, I started sensing that his mum took a dislike to me. According to my parents, it was because of school performance and some other stuff. Apparently, I was acing in school and was apparently somewhere near the top of my class (and probably year level too). Because of that, I guessed it kind of became pressure on her. She even began borrowing some textbooks from us that were from my old school (back in Asia).

From what I've heard, she began influencing her son (the one I'm classmates with) to be competitive with me. And from that point onward, he did. He became like a totally different person, although we still did hang around each other and played like normal kids. At school he'd prompt his friends to tease me, etc. He always say that his cousin was smarter or something. But sometimes I guess his hatred was partly because of me. Because of religious stuff, like the degree of strictness (we both shared the same religion) I began pressuring him not to do things I believed and was told not to do, like school, Christmas-related activities, etc. Apparently he began telling this to his mum, which led to an even bigger hatred towards me. I started seeing him as a big jerk because he and his cousins started ganging up on me and bullying me. Looking back, it seemed to me like it was a friendship that turned to infatuation that then turned to hate. A pretty abnormal relationship right?

After living in that country for about three years, my parents decided we should move back to the country we were from. It was also because my grandparents were facing some health problems so we decided to move back. A few months before we left, I found out his mum had insulted me right to my parents' face. Obviously, she used the anonymity trick to backstab me, but my parents were no fools to not understand what she meant. And so we left on bad terms.

A few months after I started using my Facebook account (I barely used it when I first got it because I couldn't be bothered to), I decided to reconcile with him, whether his mum disliked me or not. And so I tried adding him on Facebook. Even after a year, I never got the approval notification. From there, I took it that he didn't care and didn't want to anything to do with me, so I erased him from my mind – what happened, the past, the conflicts, everything.

About two years later, my parents decided we should move back. And suddenly, I remembered everything. I had no idea how to handle it all. How was I going to face everyone? We never even really told them that were moving back to Asia over two years ago to begin with. It was mentally challenging, and embarrassing if you think about it. I had no idea how they would react. And so when I came back, he seemed like a totally different person again. He was never mean to me, but he wasn't really nice, either. He was just like a stranger.

I never erased those last memories of him, so I viewed him as a big jerk again. I can't remember how we left of except how I did with his mum, so I just saw him as a jerk. His mum pretty much changed too, so I became really really confused. When I first met her again after those two years, she was kind of hesitant, but then after that she seemed pretty okay, with me at least.

He used to bully my older brother too, even though my brother is two years older than he is, but when I came back here, they seemed pretty okay with each other. They even were friendly with each other, like good mates. Because of that, I was at loss as how to view him. I didn't know how to act around him anymore. Because two years is a long time, I'm a girl, and we don't just forget what happens in the past just like that. Guys can just forget that they were enemies in the past and just suddenly become like the best of friends. Girls can't do that, though. Not because we like to cling to the past, but because we don't know how to handle these kinds of things.

Whatever bad things his mum has done in the past though, I've forgiven her for. She doesn't know this of course, because she never knew that I knew about it to begin with. But in my heart, I've forgiven her.

So now, because we go to different high schools, I don't see him much anymore. I rarely see him, in fact. When I see him at family gatherings though, I just don't make eye contact with him. I avoid him. And its pretty obvious he knows I'm avoiding him, because when we do make eye contact by chance, he gives me a weird look. I don't see him as a jerk anymore. I used to avoid because I did see him as one, but I'm avoiding him now even more because I can't face him. Because I've fallen for him again. This is weird because I've never had a crush on the same guy twice. I don't know whether this is infatuation or true love, but I don't want to discuss whether or not it's true love, because I know enough that I'm too young for a relationship. I'm only 14, anyway. But honestly, I want to forget him and stop thinking about him in a romantic way. If I could, I want to be friends with him again. It's just that I don't know where to begin. Please help.


I have been with a guy for two years and feel in love. There are ups and downs. When we don't communicate the right thing, we laugh about it later. I am young, but even if there's a long way to go I believe that everything will work out.

I do love kissing and such, but the thing is I know that's for different times. I have fun without that and feel secure. Honestly, when you are in love, it may take you a little while to realize it, just because people see it as something foreign and sometimes not true.

Your inspiration in a happy relationship should be those people who are much older than you are, but still love everything about each other. I'm only sixteen, and I know I have a long way to go. It will be worth it after a lifetime of happiness.


Firstly, I would like to state that it's refreshing to see so many viewpoints and believers of love. Yes you will have your pessimists and anonymous haters of love, but seeing people never give up on love or the notion thereof is pleasing. Love is the greatest emotion and gift given to man.

The understanding thereof is not found theoretically in books or blogs, but in the experience one encounters each and every time he or she feels, believes, thinks they are in love or have been exposed to it. Discovering and learning not so much about love as a concept, but yourself and your emotional, mental and physical involvement/experience after the very first encounter with love, manifests concurrently with the mental or even physical (journal keeps) "Do's and Don't's” list which is never referenced because the ultimate discovery soon follows, i.e., love cannot be contained or managed, let alone understood with an instruction manual.

To project an understanding of love through a display of actions aligned to your notion or perception of love with no reluctance, fear or skepticism is the best form/practice of love and if reciprocated sets you up for possibly the greatest emotional experience of your life. Many people have an imaginary perception of love (dictated by others' opinions of love) while others may detest it because of the pain associated with the termination of love while the really fortunate few (Note: I used fortunate purely for emphasis) are on a constant journey of self-discovery to better understanding love by risking, failing, resiliently trying, believing, trusting (regardless), considering, respecting and experiencing all the other elements that encompass an unwavering faith towards love, the power it has and the insurmountable joy and happiness not only love can bring or does bring but the sacrifice thereof as well.

Love and infatuation are in many ways, similar from a euphoric perspective but have colossal differences where elementary characteristics come into play. My first response is not to sway the general consensus out there on what love is, but to depict an individual opinion and understanding purely based on the experience of five relationships throughout my life where each experience lasted longer than two years and six months. Each relationship brought a new dimension, understanding and life/love lesson based on my age, maturity, emotional wellness, career status, mental acuity, curiosity, physical fitness and partial (partial used to indicate my inability to completely understand the greatness of love) understanding and spiritual growth married to a zeal and zest to truthfully and earnestly execute and apply myself in accordance to the lessons learned and understood in my previous experiences or encounters of "love" with the added optimistic belief and understanding that I needed to love myself first in order to love someone else.

All the elements associated with love work together synchronously (all together) and not interdependently (separately, intermittently) with no effort for the greater good and well-being of another with no expectation and need to impress, gain status or seek acknowledgment but selflessly love and love some more by effortlessly displaying consideration, caring, patience, kindness, benevolence, humbleness, selflessness, self-restraint, respect, support, compromise, compassion and kindness. If this is not present, you can be certain its not love.

The laws (if any) of physical attraction are predominantly the underlying catalyst to the misguided and amplified misrepresentation (mainly to self) of what love is and therefore so easily befuddling folks into believing that infatuation is love and the intensity of this incongruent thought versus emotion or mind versus feeling process catapults the manifestation of a compromised ability to rationalize and sort fact from fiction, or emotion from thought, which ultimately is responsible for an unbalanced mental and emotional state causing heartache and pain. Love is its own reward. Follow your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you. It's all about taking an instinctive risk and completely committing and investing yourself into it. Remember, love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting them not to do it.


I've had infatuation before in the majority of relationships I've been in. Though recently, in the last two months, I've been dating another guy. I wouldn't call it love yet (far too early days) despite our relationship containing many characteristics of it, according to this article.

I definitely wouldn't say either of us 'infatuated,' maybe apart from maybe wanting to see each other a lot.

I've been worrying that we're lacking passion due to lack of electricity in the early days. I'm definitely attracted to him and my feelings for him continue to grow each day. I guess it just wasn't an instant thing like infatuation can be. So maybe there's nothing to worry about? Maybe it's more 'real' in that respect?


What a load of complete crap. Don't go looking on the internet for what love is; the findings will depress you, because there is a depressing answer for everything on the internet.

You only fall in love once. You develop feelings and emotions that you never knew you were capable of, and once you have developed these feelings they will never go away.

Infatuation is something that happens on the school playground when you're 5.

I have noticed also that the vast majority on posts on this website have clearly been left by people who have never either fallen in love or been loved. Read Post 28. Married twice, met a nice guy? Holy crap. What a complete and utter mess. Don't let the Internet depress you! Love your partner and love life.


@anon247984: One day in fifth grade, this boy walked into my class. He had blond hair, a sprinkling of freckles and wore a red satin jacket (this was in 1978). I thought he was *the* cutest guy I ever saw! And he was sweet, and nice to me. I liked him all through middle school and on into high school.

He was never interested in me, except as a friend, but I still carried a torch for him. So I have so been there.

It's not what I'd call adult love, but it goes deeper than infatuation, too.

What you do is move on, too, but respect the feelings you have for this guy. Don't try to diminish them or stop having them. Feel them when you need to, but leave yourself available to feel something for other guys. Good luck!


What happens when you've liked the same guy for five years? I met him when I was 11 and I'm 16 now and not a day has passed when I haven't liked him. We went on one date when we were in sixth grade (so maybe that doesn't really count) and I understand that everything then was infatuation. I felt better around him, my heart was warmer, every little glance he gave me sent butterflies careening around my stomach.

And now I'm 16 and the butterflies have passed, but it doesn't really matter because he doesn't like me anymore. I get jealous when he's with another girl. I love being with him, and I just feel better when I'm with him. I think 16 is too young for love, but I don't really know how to describe it, because it doesn't really match the descriptions of infatuation or love, and I'm trying to convince myself not to like him anymore because he's clearly moved on and now likes my best friend.

It seems melodramatic and dumb since we're only teenagers, but I'm honestly confused about it and don't know what to do or call this. Any ideas?


This is an excellent article. Post #19, I am with you. I made a mistake seeing a man I truly felt real electricity running up my arms and spine when we touched, never had a full physical relationship with him but did enough damage over a couple of months to question my marriage with my husband. I realize now that was "infatuation". But my husband is forgiving and wants to work on us - that is love.


Can infatuation last for two years? --joel


Many people don't believe in long distance relationships, but I do. I have been loving a person who is in the other side of world, and we haven't been together physically yet. However, the truthfulness, honesty and faith that we both have for each other are all genuine and I couldn't ask for more.

We've been keeping the relationship for seven years now. I feel like I am married to him already and so does he. Work responsibilities hindered our chance to be together for the moment, but it doesn't affect the sincerity of our commitment.

Our communication has never faded, nor the feelings we have deep in our souls. We always pray, thank and trust God for leading us to each other and one day all our dreams would come true. This is the true love I could share to everybody in the world. God bless!


I'm 45 years old. I have been married twice and divorced. I am currently seeing a very nice man, who is loving, kind, respectful, and honest. I don't have the fireworks or electricity feeling when we kiss or touch. This made me concerned on whether I truly loved him.

Now I know the other stuff (fireworks, electricity) is just infatuation. I have a real relationship for the first time in my life, and I thought it wasn't because of the missing intensity I was used to.

The other times I had fireworks and electricity, the relationships didn't work, and I know why now. I have real love this time, finally, and a healthy relationship.


I'm 21 this year and I have been with my boyfriend, now husband, for three years now. At first, it was just a so called summer fling, and it ended up with him liking me after that two months, and thus we decided to continue our relationship.

After a while of him being so sweet to me and all, i liked him back. And there, it was infatuation. It was fun, carefree and i looked forward to meeting him every day.

Time passed by, and finally, we took a stand and it turned into love. I'm now happily married, with a precious little daughter we treasure so much. Though we struggle with our ups and downs, we always know that deep in our hearts; we have one another, and that's all that matters.

Love can happen in the strangest ways; just don't rush it.


To number 24: I feel for you, but I have to say that, reading your story, it doesn't sound like you're in a very healthy relationship, nor that you yourself believe in it anymore. And I, for one, can't blame you. Just know when it's time to move on. Good luck


i fell in love with a girl who was 21 years old. i was 25 then. She said she loved me like hell. She loved my personality and my attitude towards life. Slowly and gradually, we started doing phone sex because we lived in different cities. After few months she told me she can't love me because she already was in a relationship with another guy. she had a fight with him on certain issues and that's why their relationship took the backseat for a while. But he realized his mistake and approached her. She went back to him, leaving me devastated.

I didn't know what to do, how to react, how to find the courage to live on, but somehow i recovered and started living normally. Again in 10 days, she called me up and said she is not able to decide, and she even admitted she did something wrong with me.

Well, for many more months down the line, ups and downs in the relationship kept happening. i got firm and told her clearly that it's not fine at all, that she had to decide and stick to her words.

Out of desperation, i decided to shift my base to her city. i thought distance might be a factor and shifting my base would settle things down. well, we met and in just two meetings in a span of two months we had sex. i thought she would be all mine now, As she seemed to be a genuine girl. In 15-20 days we again had sex and it was the testimonial of the fact that she had completely left that guy whom she was in the relationship with earlier. She even spoke to him in front of me over the phone and told him that she didn't like him anymore and would just be friends with him.

I felt very content, but a friend of her informed me that she still met him and she used to lie me quite often, so many secrets of her past life came to the surface. I came to know of her several past relationships with other guys. i got so angry and spoke very rudely to her and it was like a break up. she cried like hell, and she even consumed sleeping pills and begged me to be in a relationship with her. For few months i was not able to come to terms with life but i convinced myself i wouldn't do anything wrong to myself or her in desperation or in revenge.

I waited for the truth to come to the surface. Eventually, it came out, to certain extent. i accepted forgetting all her past as i realized she loved me, but still i don't feel the spontaneity in the relationship. I've asked her a lot about her past and have had fights with her as i feel she is still hiding something from me about her past. i don't want to leave her as i feel she really needs me, but my respect for her has diminished in my heart.

i can't leave her if she is not wrong, but it's affecting my life on all other fronts. i am not able to eat, exercise or work properly. my family and peers have a lot of expectations from me but for the past year i haven't achieved anything significant in my life professionally.

i have stayed honest and trustworthy to her until this date. i don't know what to do. please help me out.


i am 17 and i had a crush on a boy ever since i was 12 years old and until now. i love him and care for him. so is it love or just an adolescent infatuation? I'm still confused.


This is an excellent article, very clear comparison. And completely true. It helps every one, young or matured.


This is a great article, It opens everyone's eyes to a lie. I am 16 and been in infatuation for one year, but it led to love. I am in love with a guy for two years now.

It was so perfect in the beginning. And then we had our ups and downs. But after all the hard times we are still there to help each other out. We love each other. And its because we are in love. The butterflies are fading but the real thing is coming. And I love it. 25 months.


Good article. It has cleared up this issue for me. I now realize that I was infatuated with this guy for so long, it prevented me from being me. I lost all ability to communicate with him effectively.

I avoid disagreements or expressing my true self in order to create a perfect situation. But it was perfect. It was a mess that ruined something which may have been great. The infatuation has gone and the love for this person remains. JAW/JGW


excellent comparison, best i have ever heard. it's helped me stop making the biggest mistake of my life. thank you!


This was very well written. Thanks for taking the time to clear up the confusion between the two. I'm sure this will help many people!


I don't think this could be made more clear. I think that is why people need to date and wait to say I love you. I thought that i was in love and I'm finding out it was not. He is not everything i thought he was. Although it did last 10 months i am realizing that the comfort part is not there. I can not depend on this person. He is selfish. Time to move on.


@#7: it's time to move on.


@anon122199: I can't say for sure, but by your reaction, I'd say you are experiencing infatuation. It will run its course, like the common cold.


I'm confused between infatuation and love. I'm facing that kind of problem. I am confused between the two. Please help!


whats love got to do with it? i mean infatuation.


this was really good, well written and helpful.

thanks a lot.


Total infatuation, but it's so hard to get over!


I think this is nicely put for a person confused about what they are really feeling.


but see, my boyfriend told me that infatuation wears off and he won't say i love you anymore. he's being more aggressive, too. i trust him but not with other girls. my friend liked him a while ago and he talks to her every night and it hurts me inside really bad!

our relationship is falling apart.

he never even texts or calls me first. also, I'm dependent on him. he's the only person i talk to when i'm not with other friends. he's my only best friend and i don't know what will happen if he leaves me.

i need him. i need him to love me. it's not working.

Please help!


Very nicely put. I'm definitely still at the infatuation stage!


this has changed my life completely. thank you, Wise geek, for opening my eyes to the truth.


can infatuation last for three years? or would that be love?


Can relationships start without the infatuation?


i think all relationships can transition from infatuation to love if you are with the right person and that you can still have fun when you are in love just not 24 7


this is so cute. i love the analogy.

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